New thanks

I took a look over here today, and realized it's been almost a year since I posted. I became so wrapped up in Pea's last days, and making her as comfortable as possible, I neglected this. After I lost her, I felt I had very little to be thankful for.

I lost myself for a while there. Lost myself in medication to numb my heart to the never ending pain that I was experiencing. Tramadol and Oxy were my meds of choice. They allowed me to drift into that place where I stopped feeling. Stopped thinking. Stopped asking God and life what I had done so terribly wrong to deserve this.

I won't go into all the details of why she meant so much to me. I will just say that Sweet Pea was with me through one of the most difficult times in my life. When I lost faith in people, when I lost hope, she was there. I had no idea what I was going to do without her.

If you read my other blog, you know that Honey came into my life. I lost a job I could barely stand, and within a few weeks found a new one, with a pretty substantial pay increase. Bit by bit my smile returned.

So, I think it's time I start posting here again. Pea Pod, I miss you! I will miss typing this each evening without you sleeping next to me. I don't think Honey will sit still long enough to do it with me like you did!

I am thankful for being able to share 13 years of my life with you.

I am thankful for all the things you taught me.

I am thankful for all the sunsets we savored together.

I am thankful for all our days in the kayak.

I am thankful that your energy is still with me. I feel you sometimes. When I need you most. I hear your soft sigh. I smell you scent. I know you are still taking care of me. I will love you always. ~Mama~