New thanks

I took a look over here today, and realized it's been almost a year since I posted. I became so wrapped up in Pea's last days, and making her as comfortable as possible, I neglected this. After I lost her, I felt I had very little to be thankful for.

I lost myself for a while there. Lost myself in medication to numb my heart to the never ending pain that I was experiencing. Tramadol and Oxy were my meds of choice. They allowed me to drift into that place where I stopped feeling. Stopped thinking. Stopped asking God and life what I had done so terribly wrong to deserve this.

I won't go into all the details of why she meant so much to me. I will just say that Sweet Pea was with me through one of the most difficult times in my life. When I lost faith in people, when I lost hope, she was there. I had no idea what I was going to do without her.

If you read my other blog, you know that Honey came into my life. I lost a job I could barely stand, and within a few weeks found a new one, with a pretty substantial pay increase. Bit by bit my smile returned.

So, I think it's time I start posting here again. Pea Pod, I miss you! I will miss typing this each evening without you sleeping next to me. I don't think Honey will sit still long enough to do it with me like you did!

I am thankful for being able to share 13 years of my life with you.

I am thankful for all the things you taught me.

I am thankful for all the sunsets we savored together.

I am thankful for all our days in the kayak.

I am thankful that your energy is still with me. I feel you sometimes. When I need you most. I hear your soft sigh. I smell you scent. I know you are still taking care of me. I will love you always. ~Mama~

Been so long.... Thursday Thanks

I can't seem to keep up with my posts in this blog. Hell, I can barely keep up with the posts in my main blog. I do write my gratitude in my paper journal nightly, I just seem to never get around to transferring them here. Taking care of Sweet Pea has become my main focus. She is doing well. We are seeing a new doctor on Tuesday to see what suggestions she might have. I post more about it in the other blog, so if you are ever want updates on her, that is where you will find them. We are making the most of each day, and taking them as they come.

I've been chewed out a bit my someone who holds my heart from miles away. Even though we talk daily, these journals are their way of staying in touch with my world. The ordinary things in my day, and the photos that make up what I saw and did. Apparently, what I though was a silly mundane thing, is very important to them. I have promised to be more regular with postings and pictures, while their job keeps them far away.

So, here is my Thursday thanks.

1. For a beautiful walk with the Pea. Spring is finally here, despite our thoughts that it would never arrive this year!

2. For a new keyboard! Sounds silly, but if you had to type on one for 8 hours a day and 6 or so keys only worked if you hit an exact spot, you'd understand why it is such a big deal!

3. For the gorgeous sunset we were treated to last night. They never stop amazing me.

4. Grilled asparagus with olive oil and sea salt. Nothing more I need to say about THAT!

5. A letter from a fellow blogger that warmed my heart. Thank you....you! Your kind comments touched me so much. *hugs*

Monday Gratitude

1. Pea had a check up with her doctor today. She is VERY happy with how the wound is healing this second time around! *happy dance*

2. For the beautiful spring weather we had today, and for being able to leave the windows open all day so the kitties could enjoy the sun and birds.

3. Driving with the sun roof open and the breeze in my hair. Makes the ride home so much sweeter.

4. For my sweet Cali girl. I love the way you snuggle and purr.

5. Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. I am completely helpless to it's powers!

Friday 5

1. To have my girl home again. I missed her so much, my words can't even describe it.

2. The beautiful warm sun shining through the windows while we rested.

3. Pellegrino and lime.

4. The extra bit of daylight at the end of my work day.

5. Knowing that spring is just around the corner.

Saturday 5

Been a while since I posted here. Life gets weird for me after the holidays. I just hibernate and do home improvement projects. Mmmhhmm, I know. Don't even say it! I still write my gratitude down in my paper journal, but some how the time never is there to translate it to this blog.

1. For a call saying Sweet Pea's blood tests came back looking really good.
(For those of you who don't read my other blog, Pea is facing some surgery on Tuesday. I'm worried sick, and all prayers and good thoughts said on our behalf are appreciated.)

2. For my new sofas! Gaaaaa I love them.
After 17 years with the old ones, they are a welcome change!

3. For the kindness of a stranger.
I was waiting at my vet, because Pea needed to get some blood work done. A man near me asked me a question about why we were there, and I kinda melted into tears. When we were done and I went outside, he was there waiting. He asked if I minded if he prayed over Pea, and of course I said I didn't mind at all. He talked about losing his dog at Christmas this past year. He was originally from Oklahoma and had the cutest accent. His voice and prayer was just very soothing to me.

4. For my son, who had a birthday this weekend, and reminded me again about what life is all about.

5. For my home.
In this time of uncertainty for so many, I can still call it mine.

Monday 5

1. The sun reflecting off the lake while I drove to work today. It was beautifully golden, giving even the air a golden feel.

2. Homemade Beef with Mushrooms for lunch. Mmmmm so good.

3. My sweetest Pea in the pod, who greets me at the door when I come home, and excitedly runs and jumps in the truck when I say we have to go bye-bye! She didn't care that we were only going to Staples to return something. She treats every trip as an adventure!

4. Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. No need to elaborate on THAT!

5. My beautiful pink fountain pen ink, because it makes me smile. Smiling is a good thang.....everyone needs more reasons to smile.

Sunday 5

1. Sleeping in until 10 am!

2. Falling asleep to the sound of his breath in my ear.

3. A day spent curled up on my favorite sofa, completely lost in a book. It was a gloomy and crappy day out, so I gave myself the gift of doing nothing!

4. Photos of good friends that make me smile!

5. All day mimosas with a bottle of champagne you forgot you had left from New Years Eve. Ummm yep...kinda contributed to the whole #3 thing happening! *giggle*